One step

You don’t have to see the path ahead of you to walk it.

I’ve never had the sense that I know exactly where I’m going or how to get there. It’s been more like tuning into whatever sense of direction I have, whether a strong pull or a quiet whisper, and taking one small step at a time without knowing what the next will be. It’s been that way through my education, career, dating and partnership, and motherhood.

This maplessness is not a problem to be solved. It’s not a lack of vision. It’s that there’s nothing to be seen because the places and pathways don’t exist until they do. Each small step generates the growth and insight that hatch the next step.

It’s easy to get stuck trying to know what can’t yet be known. For over a year now, I’ve had the idea that I need to learn a tremendous amount about gardening to design the “right” garden. I watched videos, bought books, used a plant identification app to save plants I liked. But how much gardening happened as a result? Zero.  

And then a few weeks ago, a neighbor offered some irises which I transplanted with no plan at all, simply tucked them into a spot in the soil. This small act opened up far more energy than all the thinking I had done before. It was fun! I’m now just trying things in the garden. I don’t know where it will get me, but the fun of doing it is leading to more doing.

Change often looks like this — small nudges in the midst of uncertainty. It could be attending an event that catches our interest, experimenting with changing a routine, or reaching out to someone who sparks something in us without knowing where it will lead.

I’ve been feeling this lately in parenting. I’ve been encouraging my oldest child toward more independence in sleep and play. I don’t have a roadmap or grand plan, but I’ve been looking for small moments to let intuition and curiosity guide me toward trying something different. It’s been very slow going and often tests my patience, but I can see a greater sense of confidence and autonomy taking root, bit by bit.

Much of family building, parenting, and sustaining relationships happens through these tiny nudges. Some adjustments may come easily, but others can feel frustrating, exhausting, and vulnerable. These difficulties can be met with small acts of attention. We don’t need to solve everything all at once — we can participate in life one step at a time.

Where in your life do you feel “mapless” right now?

What’s a step you could take, even without certainty?