What Is & What Could Be
Lately I’ve been working with a particular tension: learning to embrace life as it is while staying connected to possibility.
On surrender…
On the one hand, I’ve been discovering new levels of surrender in motherhood. I catch myself in the frenzy of getting through what’s in the way of fun and rest: the endless cycle of dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning up, making lunches, repeat… acting as if real life is on the other side. But something clicked recently. These repetitive tasks are real life - a large portion of it.
While I love high points like vacations or celebrations, they are far fewer than the familiar routines of daily life. So I’ve been experimenting with settling in instead of rushing through. I hung art where I can see it from the kitchen sink. I put music on while I cook. When I release my resistance to the everyday, it frees up energy to be playful and present with my family. Huh.
On refusal…
And at the same time as I lean into acceptance, I’m in touch with what is not ok and pushing for better. I notice the pull to hide out in daily life and avoid feeling the weight of things, but I don’t want to give in or go along. Surrendering to the dishes does not mean acquiescing to the status quo, staying quiet, or staying small in the face of my own needs or the terrors and traumas of the world.
Surrender and refusal intertwined…
As I surrender to the tasks of motherhood, I refuse to numb myself to make them tolerable. I also don’t want to turn away from harm and injustice in the world. Instead, the energy freed up by surrender helps me find glimmers of my vitality within daily responsibilities, whether it’s noticing my feelings, associating to memories, or engaging my creativity and playfulness. And staying in touch with my aliveness and what matters fuels imagining more for myself, my family, and all of us.
Can I stay checked in all the time? Definitely not.
I’m just practicing engagement by fusing love and indignation into forward movement.
I see these forces at play in my therapy practice. Family building and parenthood require an immense amount of giving ourselves over - to relationships, uncertainty, vulnerability, and how deeply we depend on one another. And in doing so, they often sharpen our sense of what needs to change and our desire to create something better.
Where might surrender free up some of your energy?
How can you access your vitality within everyday routines and responsibilities?
Where do you feel pulled to imagine something better?